I see it every day. Thin fellows with tight jeans and some other colorful and trendy accoutrements roam the streets of Seattle and San Francisco, playing lutes and accordions. They try to pretend that they’re manly by sporting short beards. What a sad, sorry illusion.

Source: jonathan.youngblood on Flickr
Avoid any misunderstanding by using this beard soap made from real pine tar. One whiff of your outdoorsmanly but classy scent will make the ladies swoon and give you greater respect in the office. A coworker will come up to you and say, “Hey fellow, would you like to go see this trendy little concert with some band no one knows but it’s cool because it’s a local Seattle band with me?” But as soon as they get close, they will smell the manly pine scent emanating from your pristine, clean and soft beard and say, “Woops, sorry, I thought you were a Hispter. Nevermind.” And you will be happy. Why? Because you use beard soap.
GROW A BEARD.

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